


Sideways

by Wayward_Dragon



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Kakashi being an actually good teacher, Multiplicity/Plurality, Trauma, Voidpunk, alterhumanity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-30 16:56:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17832506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wayward_Dragon/pseuds/Wayward_Dragon
Summary: Alterhumanity as experienced by Team Seven.If they refuse to treat us as people, monsters we shall be- no less kind, butneverone of you.





	Sideways

**Author's Note:**

> Imported from Dreamwidth.  
> Yes, yes I know the controversy with the Alterhumanity term, its just the easiest tag because 'nonhumanity' is clunky-sounding and 'otherkin' isn't quite right.  
> Voidpunk(choosing to ID as nonhuman) also is really only applicable to Kakashi and Sakura but HOUND identifies as an actual Hound so really just Sakura.

 

 

 

Naruto was never allowed to be human. Never treated as human, and rarely expected to be. He was _Fox Brat_ before Naruto, and _Demon_ before Uzumaki. _That One_ , with a gesture in his direction, if they were being polite. He did not know his name until he was five, and the Hokage told it to him- told him he was Naruto Uzumaki and he was human with a tired voice.  
Naruto knew otherwise.  
He was good at pretending, though. Clever paws with blunted claws and a burning _HOLYHOLYHOLY_ snarl like smoke in his chest and tingling at the back of his throat.  
His words too loud, too rehearsed, too oblivious to the rules everyone already seems to know. Civilians flinch in his gaze- brains screaming predator at the way he walks, stalking and low to the ground when he isn’t toe-walking and scampering about on all fours.  
His Guards, the Hokage, and Iruka all chide him for it nervously, so he forces himself to walk Like Them, even if it feels unnatural.  
Ninja saw a dangerous weapon under his skin. They made more sense that the civilians, buzzing with sunlight and Getting why sneaking and holing up on and in places was just the Right thing to do. He still pretended. He watched and stalked civilian children for behavior traits and parroted them with varying degrees of success. It only worked sometimes, but he was largely ignored.  
Ignored was better than being beat in an alleyway, after all.  
His comfort was the thrumm echoing in his bones and a soothing weight in his stomach- heavy and rich and vast and singing him brave.  
Then one day he learned what it was. Who it was.  
One day he met winding, towering, shapes and snarling and bright eyes behind a cage and a connection deeper and more _indescribable_ than anything.  
He slinked forward head low and tilted in curiosity. The air was thick in that deep power he felt whenever he concentrated on himself. The shape tilted its maybe-head back.  
When he got to the bars, the stale water somehow not soaking his legs at all, he asked a _‘hello?’_ and _‘what’s your name?’_ , voice scratchy with disuse.  
The shape pauses. Then chuckles.  
The glowing red eyes descend and a great vulpine face appears, teeth bared in anticipation.  
The shape answers.  
And _Kurama_ has his markings too.  
Three curves of black descending from the joints of his eyes and nose.  
At the age of six, Naruto greets Kurama with more respect than any mortal two-legger since the Sage was alive.  
And at the age of six, Naruto gains his first friend.  
They are together as one from then on. Naruto-and-Kurama. Two minds, one body, and all the blended instincts between.  
The first time he snarls deep and loud and bares his teeth in a spar the way his very being wishes to show frustration, every chunin’s hands go to their weapons pouch and he gets a visit with the Hokage. ( _Naruto says nothing about Kurama. Kurama-And-Naruto is WE and humans are not WE, they must be crafty and appear human-normal_ )  
Kurama tells him stories of his ten siblings and an old man that night, and something in Naruto settles.  
They are as they are. He appears in the sewer and unlocks the cage. They share this body, and Naruto will not cage a fellow monster.  
Kurama smiles. And _does not_ eat the boy. Does not steal his body and burn his way out.  
Naruto is as much his as he is Kushina’s- marinating in his chakra like that. Perhaps moreso.  
Naruto neither acted like nor saw himself as human, he is the Fox Boy and the Demon Brat and he loves his reclaimed titles of inhumanity with the deep fierceness of those who humanity has constantly disappointed. Kurama settles into his fleshy prison alongside Naruto. **WE** , he thinks, and well, that sounds like a promise.  
Naruto does not pay attention to many human lessons, but goes to school anyway. It is required and expected. He is dead last in every subject but he slips his ANBU guard to sneak passageways and casually disrespect the people who are Responsible for hurting his friend.  
They can bend chakra in ways beyond all human ken. They need no instruction on rigidity and false rules- Kurama is chakra itself, and Naruto breathes deep the rich burn of natural chakra and learns by _doing_. Imagine, project, and _will_ it into being.  
Naruto decides they could make the humans see some reason if they were in charge.  
A beast as a hokage.  
_Naruto-and-Kurama_ , the Godaime Hokage. The Demon Hokage.  
That sounds lovely.  
They savor ramen together at Ichiraku’s while Naruto presses ideas of grandeur and Change into their bond. What a delicious prank on the world it would be- Them, leading a colony of _humans_.  
In one night when Naruto and the body are eight, the last strong branch of the Sage’s descendants is slain.  
Naruto-and-Kurama taste the Man In The Mask and his burning malice in the air and know they are not yet strong enough to take their retribution. They can taste the rot in the tree of this village and know its buzzing malice sparked in the shadows of the compound. Human conspiracies left, right, and center.  
How treacherous they all are.  
In one night the last of any mortals Naruto-And-Kurama could call family were reduced to a boy and a scapegoat.  
Naruto-And-Kurama make a choice.  
Sasuke returns home to find careful notes on healing genjutsu damage left under his pillow. They sign it with the marks on their cheeks hope it’s enough. They know it all stinks of politics and they cannot have too many eyes on them. They cannot have anyone know they _know_ something's amiss.  
Kurama remembers how Indra used to be, before he was twisted astray, and Naruto fans the fires of hope.

When that smells-of-lies-and-malice Mizuki tries to reveal knowledge Naruto knew already he snarls and asks if that was all Mizuki wanted to share before taking him down -leaving him ( _barely_ )alive.  
And well. Iruka is wrong. They **ARE** the Kyuubi- it is a title, after all. But they can't say that. Can't act like it. Not when he is not supposed to be able to so much as talk to Kurama.  
When asked how he knew by the Hokage, he shrugs, not bothering to deny it.  
They would surely lock Kurama back up again and deeper than before if he told.  
“It wasn’t that hard to figure out why they call me ‘Demon Brat’, you know?”  
His grin is tired and his bared too-sharp teeth and make the ANBU agent in the rafters flinch.  
The Hokage seems to accept it, but the flicker-flares of the ANBU about his apartment later say he does not.  
Kurama purrs comfort and courage until Naruto stops worrying about it and falls asleep.  
They are assigned a team with a moody and paranoid but not malevolent Sasuke, and the pink girl who occasionally stalks the other boy- who Naruto finds rather cute.  
The accidental kiss was inane and Kurama cackles as Naruto yelps and springs away. The humans are fine entertainment. He may grow to like a few once more.

* * *

 

Sasuke grew up in a clan where people _understood_. Understood what MINE and not-one-of-MINE meant. Understood why words were difficult and pictures and movement were easier. Understood the growls and hmms and purrs that came easier in their place. Understood the desperate _need_ for a dance of blades. Understood how every semi-strong emotion felt like you were _drowning_ in it.  
And then they were gone.  
Sasuke never socialized much with non-Uchihas. He knew people didn’t understand or were frightened by them. Adults were mean, and then the kids shied away.  
But then he was alone and _HURTHURTHURT_ and the two people who were HIS were dead and-  
Nothing felt real and everything _burned_.  
The walk home ( _could still smell the blood, see it stained into the wood and carpets here and there, hear the ghosts of choking breath and cutting flesh_ ) was in a trance, and the ANBU agent left the second he got to the gate.  
Sasuke’s room was untouched. As if nothing happened.  
If he shut the door then he could pretend nothing did.  
Three steps to the bed and the collapses on it with a hiss of breath.  
_Crunch_  
Sasuke searches for the source of the noise.  
Several slightly crinkled sheets of paper filled with slightly cramped and messy handwriting.

How To Repair Genjutsu Damage  
_What?_

He skips to the end.  
_“People Like Us look after each other. Beware the rot in the tree. -ミミ”_  
What kind of name is ‘Mimi’(written very poorly at that) and why were they in his house?  
And! Why would they know what Ita- **HE** did?  
Sasuke quickly flips back to the first page with a snarl and began to read.  
Unreliable information is no information at all. And the unthinkable idea that the person who was HIS and that he belonged to in the same way in return more than he did to own blood father might not have done That the way he remembered sparked hope and shaky adrenaline into his system.  
It takes time. Three weeks of meditation and chakra manipulation and panic attacks when he triggers flashbacks on accident, but then when he stands where he found Itachi and looks back out the door, his eyes burn with a spark of chakra and everything shatters.  
After vomiting on the floor and passing out, Sasuke Awakes- more and less than he was before.  
Itachi was crying. And wouldn’t stop repeating shaky, desperate-sounding apologies.  
He Did kill them.  
But he didn’t _want_ to.  
Not like the official story.  
And Itachi wasn’t alone.  
There was a man in a mask who said as Sasuke was fading in and out of consciousness that Itachi’s mission was complete and he got the rest for him. As payment for HELPING, Itachi would be coming with him.  
Mission.  
Itachi was ordered.  
Itachi didn’t do this of his own accord, no. It was much, _much_ worse.  
Sasuke has things to do, and he is so very, horribly alone.

The next day he goes to school -there is nothing else to do, after all, but he spends most of the day thinking about the note.  
_‘Beware the rot in the tree’_ , did this ‘Mimi’ know about Itachi?  
It.  
It implied that there was so much more going on than just The Massacre.  
_‘People Like Us stick together’_  
Did… Did this person want to talk to him? Or help have him them with something in exchange for the notes?  
The bell rings for their free time outside and Sasuke trudges outside, mind elsewhere.  
He had to find them.

 _‘People Like Us’_. What could that mean?  
Sitting down under a tree, Sasuke looks out over the field of other kids jumping about.  
Six lines.  
His gaze falls of its own accord on the little blonde dead-last sitting on the other side of the field with the Nara, Inuzuka, and Akamichi heirs and lazing about.  
Sasuke had seen the bulk of the civilian children avoid him like the plague on the first day of the academy, and every day afterwards.  
Scarred markings in six lines across his face. Tilted up in the middle.

No, Naruto Uzumaki has the worst scores in pretty much everything and skips class every week. There is _no way_.  
During the spars later that day, he watches Naruto fight a tall boy Sasuke never bothered to learn the name of. Naruto’s awkward, obviously unpracticed, and poorly memorized excuse for the Academy Standard breaking in the face of his opponent’s stronger and more sure movements. The taller boy pushes Naruto back and he skids to a stop a foot from Sasuke.  
The taller boy’s friends jeer from the sidelines and Naruto hunches, flexes his hands( _still digging into the dirt_ ) and growls low in a way Sasuke has only ever heard from other Uchiha. It thrumms down his spine and makes his breath hitch is surprise. The instructors both tense and their hands whip to their kunai pouches before Naruto shakes himself and smiles- taking the worst starting stance of the second half of Academy Standard Sasuke has ever seen and charging back in.  
Relaxing, one of the instructors yells a correction to Naruto’s stance.  
Naruto sucks at stealthy. He wears an orange jumpsuit and never _shuts up_ , for Kami’s sake!  
There is no way.

But the Uchiha-like growl makes Sasuke wonder for a moment. Just a little.  
Sasuke puts it out of his mind. He has to get stronger.  
He has to protect what is HIS by acting like he still wants to kill the last person his heart wails MINE at that is still alive. He has to pretend he didn't activate his sharingan.  
If it's for Itachi he would do _anything_ , and that mutual fierce bond if _belonging_ gives him the strength to do it.  
Naruto paints the side of Academy building bright yellow and brags about it the next day.  
Sasuke firmly does not think about how difficult it would be to vandalize guarded property in a neon tracksuit.

Sasuke trains. He trains and he bites back the snarls and whirrs and purrs and hisses when he talks to people- and he _has_ to talk to people.  
He boxes up the Uchiha inside of him and locks it away. He has to be indispensable. He has to look like nothing is amiss. He cannot afford to _Not Look Like Them_.  
He shares a quiet camaraderie with the nervous Hyuuga heir. She is Careful about appearing like the dojutsu-free population too, albeit seemingly because she is terrified of conflict.  
When he locks himself into his house each night he opens the box and snarls and rages and growls at shadows before curling up in his brothers room and fitfully purring himself to sleep.  
Within a week Itachi’s scent fades totally from the room but Sasuke sleeps there most nights still.  
He gathers some of the river stones on the windowsill and brings them into his room. He leaves one of the smallest ones in his pocket and thumbs at it during class.  
Years pass. And he graduates, almost forgetting about 'Mimi' in his rush to cover what he knows and learn as much as possible.  
He gets on a team with a civilian fangirl and _Naruto_.  
Quite possibly the worst team ever.  
He watches though- in the hour it takes for their sensei to show up.

He watches the girl focus and unfocus as she switches between outgoing and shy. The way she hesitates and stutters on her pronouns and switches them when she switches her personality ( _Watashi to Atashi and back again_ ).  
He watches the way Naruto hesitates before certain movements, before doing them very carefully, but subtly off all the same. The way he run his tongue over canines only clan kids should have and flexes his fingers like they were claws as a nervous habit.  
And then he thinks maybe it won't be so bad.  
After all- they all seem to have something to hide too.

* * *

 

Sakura has never been alone, for as long as she can remember( _though her memory for life events and time Was rather spotty, so it didn't count for much_ ). She always had the Other Her.  
She was scared of the bullies that teased her, but Other Her wasn’t. Other Her wanted to make them hurt back.  
Other Her wanted to prove them wrong. Other Her wanted to be a Shinobi.  
She… She didn't know what she wanted.  
Then she met Ino, and wanted nothing more than to follow her _forever_. Even Other Her liked her.

Sakura cannot remember things very well from before the age of seven. ‘Sakura’ grew up in a decent home with decent civilian parents who never hit her and frequently profess their love for her. ‘Sakura’ has never gone hungry or without- her father is a merchant and brings home enough money to take care of them. Her mother works at the bank and while she is alone for large amounts of time, she is well cared for.  
Though bullied extensively before she met Ino, nothing particularly horrifying -in her opinion- has ever happened to her.  
She should not have cloudy memories.  
‘Sakura’ tells no one.  
Smiles and nods like she knows the childhood events that her parents and neighbors reference.  
Tells no one that when she does strange things _‘not like her’_ that it’s _not really her_.  
Sakura loses twenty minutes when her parents aren’t home and comes back to a dinner she didn't make. Dinner she doesn't even _like_ all that much.  
Sakura loses nearly an hour and a week later and finds study notes written in an unfamiliar scrawl with her name at the top. They are sarcastic, untidy, and call the First Hokage an idiot.  
She hurriedly blots that part out.

She catches herself thinking thoughts she doesn't agree with, blurting things out she doesn't want to say and _didn't_ say. But someone else _did_.  
Sakura is nine and decides she is probably insane.

‘Sakura’ knows sometimes ninjas Splinter. Sometimes ninja develop multiple personas to handle warfare. Its mentioned in a very old medical journal she read once.  
The thing is.  
_The thing is_ \- she isn't a ninja.  
Not yet.  
She hasn't been through anything especially traumatic.  
Sure the bullying isn't fun but it didn't give her some kind of combat fatigue.  
So she can't be Splintered.  
But she isn’t. She isn't _Really_ Sakura.  
Is the thing.  
She isn’t… _Not_ Sakura either.  
Its her and The Other One.  
So she gets a spiral notebook, places it on her desk, and starts writing.  
Journal and notes to self so I don't forget, titled at the top.  
She writes a vague summary of tasks she did each day. ‘School, homework, cooked dinner, watered the windowbox’  
_I took out the trash_ , is the first thing written after she loses time again.  
_It worked_ , Sakura thinks with giddy abandon and keeps at it.  
I-the shy, clever, and forgetful one uses Hiragana and Watashi, I-brash, blunt, and boyish one uses Katakana and Atashi.  
Sakura finds they have different likes.

‘I cooked my favorite food’ It was not, in fact. Sakura’s favorite food.  
After a few months, she realizes the notebook she caries everywhere will raise questions, and she would sound insane and be barred from becoming the Ninja that the both of them want to be now( _too broken already to be a tool_ ) if she explained she was writing to ‘other-me’ because she couldn't remember half the things she did.  
She brings a separate notepad when she is outside of the house, and makes it read like a to-do list. The main notebook she keeps in a stack of other notebooks filled with class notes and doodles.  
They get a little less dysfunctional.  
And Sakura tries meditating.  
It takes awhile, but she gets it down.  
Then one day, she ‘hears’ thoughts not her own in that meditative nothing.  
It’s the Other-Her.  
They don't need paper anymore- so long as shes careful with her thoughtspace  
Eventually they work out what things each of them do, and Other-Her labels herself 'Inner', because she prefers to spend most of her time not in control of the body. Sakura labels herself 'Outer' so they would match.  
Inner does the sparring and physical classes, and Outer does the theory and bookwork. Outer plays with Ino, and Inner spends her afternoons silently training alongside a few civilian-born upperclassmen before they graduated.  
Outer gains a crush on Sasuke and trails after him a little because of that, Inner wants to spar with him, and that's it.  
Inner mediates between Ino and Outer so their crush-rivalry doesn't hurt their friendship. Ino doesn't know why Sakura ia sometimes combative and sometimes not, but she doesn't pry. Both Sakuras are very happy she doesn't pry.  
Outer stays friends with Ino, even as they hit their last year of the academy.  
They are put with Naruto and Sasuke, a victory and a wildcard.  
_'This'_ , Inner says with conviction, _'Will be very interesting'_

* * *

 

HOUND was forged in blood and death.  
Kakashi was shattered and broken irreparably before he hit sixteen.  
Kakashi knows only how to break things and be broken and turn the shards into weapons.  
He is HOUND and _Sukea_ and Kakashi and he is no one at all.  
He only knows how to love dangerous and barely-human things.

It's a good thing his team is Just. Like. Him.

It's a sad thing, of course.  
He is upset about how these children already are wiped of the notion that the shinobi they must be to survive this world and the things the council will want them to do are anything more and less than human.  
He is enraged that Sensei’s pup was kept from him and shunned.  
So _terribly_ bitter that one of HOUNDS PACK went against the RULES and hurt his dearest little brother so much.  
So sorrowful over the fact that a bright little civilian girl will be forced into this political festering wound.

They cannot _afford_ to be like the other teams.  
Kakashi knows he has no choice but to pass them.  
Politically, they claim he has a choice- that the rulings are fair, but he CANNOT fail them.  
There is no other choice.  
Kakashi is only an hour and a half late.

He says it right to their faces (HOUND bleeding into his speech), after he makes them run to the roof.  
“This team will not be allowed to fail.”  
“For a variety of reasons, this is the most politically volatile team that has ever been put together in the history of Konohana.”  
“Ordinarily,” He speaks over the questioning noise the pink one makes. They MUST know as much politicking is being done around them as he can possibly get away with telling them if they want to survive.  
He continues, “ _Ordinarily_ , you would be put through a test of my choosing and I would happily fail you as I have failed every team since I was retired from the Hokage’s Guard. I am not a teacher by nature, especially not a teacher of basics. This team will not be allowed to be anything but a heavy-hitting frontline strike team. A heavy-hitting strike team that has no active peer in any nation. The Council and the circumstances of intra-village politics will not permit anything less. We _cannot afford to be anything less_ than what The Council wants. We have _all_ drawn the short stick today.”  
He levels them with the coldest stare he can muster. Hoping that last bit got through.  
“Just because we all know we are stuck together very permanently, doesn't mean I won't go easy on you, and doesn't mean I won't test you anyway.”  
He steps back into Kakashi and returns to an easygoing and cheerful demeanor, “Maa, we have to put on a good show, don't we?”  
He shoves his hands into his pockets and takes a step towards his new little genin. The two boys are visibly confused by ‘his’ abrupt change of mood. The girl is not. Just tilts her head and you can see the little gears turning in her mind. How interesting.  
Kakashi reaches for Sukea’s cheer and easy socializing, “My name is Kakashi Hatake. I have things I like and things I hate, but I don't feel like telling you about that! I am in every bingo book in the Elemental Nations as S-Rank and titled the Copy Nin.”

He pulls his Hitai-e up and gazes at them through Obitos eye- preserving Sasuke’s surprise, Naruto’s subtle flinch and avoidance of eye contact, and Sakura’s curiosity in his memory( _the bright glow of chakra around Naruto nearly hurt to look at- and it was... Equally gold and the normal blue? Something to poke at later_ ).  
“My late genin teammate gifted one of his sharingan to me while dying after I had lost one of my own eyes. It contributes to my title and why I am your Sensei. _When_ Sasuke-san obtains his Sharingan, I am the only one who can teach him to use it.”  
Kakashi tugs the headband back down again and continues, “Due to Extremely Classified reasons, I cannot say why Naruto is here, but I am the only option there, as well.”  
Kakashi firmly does not think of Tenzo- who could have taken him instead, but CAT is far too busy and doesn't deserve this mess. The baby Genin would eat him alive, anyway.

With a flourish, he turns to the pink one.  
“A civilian-born was required to appease the non-clan shinobi representative and the civilian council, so they chose the one with the best test scores, and thus the one most likely to survive being on this team.”  
The pink one kind of withdraws a little- and Sukea reminds themselves that puppies need to be told they are important and praised and not told that they are the Extra.

Kakashi rolls his shoulders, “No matter the reasons, you are _all_ my subordinates now. And I will do my level best to make sure each and every one of you survives. That is a team rule. We stick together and we _do not die_ , if nothing else. On that note- I need to evaluate you.”  
HOUND slides back into focus, “We have a little over 50 hours before the team confirmation meeting- which means 50 hours to both make the council regret assigning us all together and evaluate all your skills.”  
Sukea perks up at Naruto’s mischievous grin and Sasuke and Sakura’s barely hidden interest.  
Fellow troublemakers.  
“You will need to pack for a survival mission.” Sukea reminds HOUND puppies need more direction, “Weapons, rations, waterskin, first aid, camp supplies, traps, anything else you need when out of the house for three days. You have four hours to prepare starting now. Meet back here.”  
There is a scramble and the three of them dart towards the stairs.  
It occurs to him he forgot to ask for the pink one's name. Well, he has time, he can just request her file.

He drops them in the Forest of Death at sundown and HOUND stalks after them like a ghost. Calling flat admonishments and corrections to their frantic dodging of the hostile wildlife and his Henge-ed Shadow Clone’s occasional thrown projectile.  
Within three hours Sasuke activates his sharingan, but uses it maybe a little too easily to have actually activated it then, and Naruto dropped that sad excuse for Academy Standard for a odd, feral brawling style done largely on all fours. It almost reminded him of the Inuzuka.  
HOUND watches Naruto sniff the air and snarl just before a tiger drops on them, thinking in a rather detached way that this can be _used_.  
Kakashi is _terribly_ worried about the Kyuubi, but it makes no appearance as Sasuke and Sakura flank it.  
After they dispatch the tiger with only some light injuries, HOUND calls out to skin and harvest it- it's free meat.  
Sakura takes control of the three of them by midnight- growing fed up with the both of the boys and ordering them to ‘ _just cook the damn meat already_ ’.  
They sleep in fitful hour-long shifts, and HOUND keeps an eye on the bear wandering closer in search of food.  
Two hours before sunrise the bear crashes camp. Naruto bolts upright from his watch and screeches as he charges on all fours and tackles it. Kakashi Nearly jumps in, but Sasuke bolts awake at the clamor - _eyes sharingan red_ \- and blows a Katon when Naruto retreats. Sakura takes the spear they fashioned out of the leg bone of the tiger and drives it into the injured and enraged animal's neck and twists. She yells, and with a flash of chakra fueling her movement the bear is dead.  
They are all drenched in blood and low on chakra and sleep, but relatively unscathed after fighting and killing two apex predators.  
Kakashi decides praise is in order, “Well done, my cute little genin! Remember, you are stronger together. Team is Pack,”  
He waits for them to finish the phrase he drilled into their heads all night.  
“And pack sticks together.” They echo, with varying levels of exhaustion.  
The rest of the night is quiet, but none of them sleep.  
It is around Dawn when Sasuke hesitantly and awkwardly asks Naruto about the way he pauses after he says _‘I’_. Sakura looks up in interest, and Kakashi ghosts closer to gather more information.  
Naruto shifts and unfocuses his eyes for a moment before answering, “I don't think I'm… legally allowed to say.”  
Naruto raises his voice, “Hey Kakashi-sensei! Am I exempt from the Sandime Gag Order?”  
Well. He is. Sort-of. If you squint and tilt the law sideways. But Kakashi wants to know and well, he can impress the value of a secret on the other two pups.  
“Yes.”  
Naruto nods and takes a steadying breath, “Do you know what a jinchuriki is?”  
They don’t.  
Naruto tilts his head upward and closes his eyes, “There are nine beings made of an immense amount of chakra in the world. A long time ago, Konohana started the tradition of sealing them into people,” He began, “Twelve years ago, the Kyuubi broke free from his cage and was resealed into a newborn.”  
He unzips his jacket and pulls up his shirt to display the swirled seal on his stomach.  
“The newborn was me. This is a village secret, so you _can’t_ tell anyone or talk about it with anyone who isn’t already in the know.”  
Naruto chances a glance at their faces, Sasuke is thinking hard, with a scowl on his face, and Sakura appears startled, but thoughtful.  
“I'm not the fox, but hes... _around_. And he's always been here. It doesn’t feel right to leave him out, you know?”  
Sasuke speaks up, “Is that why the civilians hate you?”  
Naruto bares his fangs halfheartedly, “Yeah.”  
Sasuke growls in the same inhuman register as Naruto did earlier, Sakura jumps a little.  
“Its stupid! You didn't do anything!”  
Naruto laughs bitterly, “We know. But thanks, Sasuke.”  
Naruto then rezips his coat, “I'd appreciate it if you didn’t call us… ‘Us’ in public- it might make people nervous.”  
Sakura nods, then hesitates and asks, “Can you.. Talk to the Kyuubi?”  
Naruto stills for a moment, then responds, “Yeah. But he isn’t gonna burst out to attack anyone! We’re good!” he hastens to add.  
Sakura responds hurriedly, “Of course you aren’t going to! But have you, or could you ask… Why the Kyuubi attacked the village?”  
Naruto flexes his fingers, as Kakashi’s heart thunders in his chest- only being stopped from whipping out his sharingan by HOUND’s desire for more information.  
“He was pulled out of the seal by someone else and set on Konohana by force. He would have run if he got free otherwise. It’s too much effort to smash a village that much.”  
Naruto smirks like he's sharing a secret, “He's rather lazy, actually.”  
Sukea keeps HOUND from shaking Naruto until he elaborates. Gentle with puppies. _Gentle_.  
Naruto stuffs his hands in his pockets. _ _ _ _  
“____ So yeah. We are Naruto _and_ the Kyuubi. We aren’t the same person, we just share living space and sometimes he pays rent.”  
Sakura speaks up, “I understand! Um. Also. I, well. You may have noticed I switch pronouns sometimes. I'm not. I don't have a demon in me, but there is another me. I've always been like this? And me and other me are kind of… blended? So I understand about your situation a little, Naruto. Uh- no need for plural pronouns for me.”  
Sasuke speaks up, “Everything you _four_  have done so far makes _so much more sense now_.”  
Before they can respond, Sasuke sits up and meets their hopeful gazes.  
“While we're sharing secrets, my goal in life is to find my brother and bring him home.”  
He stares for a long time up at the tree Kakashi talked from before continuing, “The _official_ reports state Itachi killed my entire clan in one night on a mental break, leaving just me. There are discrepancies. I want _answers_. This is _dangerous_ information. Someone high up _lied_ in those reports, don't tell _anyone_.”  
Naruto nodded, “We’ll help.”  
Sakura gave a determined nod, “Team is pack.”  
Naruto finishes, as Kakashi’s heart warms a little despite the dizzying deluge of information, “And pack sticks together.”  
Yes.  
_His_ pups.

He strolls into the confirmation meeting just barely on time- the rest of the Senseis glaring at them for the disrespect. When it's his turn, he says blandly, "Pass."  
Pandemonium erupts before the Hokage silences it.  
"You passed a team?"  
Kakashi leans back and sticks his hands in his pockets.  
" _Well_ , they survived a little camping trip to the Forest of Death, so I _guess_ I had to."  
Again chaos reigned, and Kakashi smirked under his mask.  
Think they can tell him who he can and cannot teach, will they?  
They will be the biggest headache they can be, but _oh_ -  
They will be _amazing_.

* * *

 

 _Team Seven are monsters_ , the whispers say. The fearful conversations of the genin corps in run-down bars mostly fuel this rumor.  
"I heard Ichiro saw The Fox Brat literally maul a squad from Iwa on the border"  
"Did you _see_ what the Uchiha did in that one chunin exam? He fucking- He fucking _hissed_ at his opponent like a cat before _lighting him on fire until he died_ , what the fuck?"  
"That’s _nothing_. The real terror is Haruno. She controls them, you know. Gives them orders when Hatake’s busy. They LISTEN to her. That little slip of a girl. That’s scarier."  
"You’re forgetting the Copy Nin. Their teacher. Do you know how _many_ fucked up scandals and missions hes been in on? He _killed his genin teammate_ , I heard. _That's_ the kind of man teaching these kids."

The first genin to speak stills and swallows visibly as he watches said team walk by the bar.  
The Uchiha's glowing red eyes flick in every direction as The Demon pauses and sniffs the air.  
A firm, “Boys?” from Haruno and they both snap to attention and follow her down a side street and away from the bar- their sensei quietly strolling after them with his nose in a lurid book.  
When they leave earshot the table sighs in relief.  
"Fucking terrifying,” swears a sweaty, half drunk genin who perhaps was a little young to be in the bar with his hitai-e tied around his wrist, “I was in That Exam with them and just. Worst two weeks of my life. _Never again_. I'm fine as a genin. Don't ever have to interact with the Big Names this way.”  
He shudders and drains his glass.  
“Fucking monsters. The lot of them.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> NOTES- For Naruto+Kurama's 'WE', they are using Boku/Ore-ra and Washi-ra for the plurals- they have a hard time leaving off the -ra part, which is the delay/pause after saying 'I'. The -ra is NOT the royal We, but We as in a group of people. Feel free to correct me if i'm mangling Japanese plural conjugation or w/e
> 
> Sasuke is like 30% space alien. Uchihas, Hyuugas, and Kaguyas should very very blatantly act… Off to civilians at the very least. Ignoring the science crimes regarding stable populations of hybrids vs naturally occurring mutations and how to solve the inbreeding otherwise, that's my biggest beef with those clans in canon. They need to be more... Alien.
> 
> For Kakashi-  
> Both HOUND and Sukea are intentionally created thoughtforms(which you Can actually do In Real Life- go surf through 'https://www.reddit.com/r/Tulpas/wiki/guides' if you want an in-depth but basically you force your brain to write new neural pathways to support parallel thought processing). In this AU, ANBU encourages(but doesn't mandate) creating thoughtforms to be your persona in ANBU, but they are not designed to be separate people- just altered personality states. Kakashi just went a little farther through the intentional self-rewiring of his neural pathways then the norm and has a naturally dissociative personality so it got a little Blendy. Kakashi thinks this is DID (in this au called 'Shattering') but it is simply the natural progression of the process combined with his dissociative tendencies.


End file.
